Wanted: Arch Nemesis

I sat fidgeting a little in my chair and tried to look evil. I had never liked job interviews, but the idea of being an Arch Nemesis was too good to pass up. I was wearing my most evil black suit, though I had decided against the cape, and I tried to scowl as much as I could at the man who would hopefully become my mortal enemy. Maybe I should have grown a mustache.

The man sitting across from me, behind a very large and impressive desk, had a dazzling white smile and perfect blond hair. On the news, he was always wearing a brilliant red body suit, the spandex showing off his perfect muscles, and I always wondered how he got the thing on. Right now, however, he was wearing a blue, button-up shirt and khakis, though his smile was just as white and his muscles were just as perfect.

“So, you think that you’re cut out to be my new Arch Nemesis, eh?” he said. He managed to keep that half-cocked smile on his face even when he was talking, which was rather unsettling. I always thought of him as Captain Perfect, to the point where it was hard for me to remember his actual Super Hero name.

“I’ll destroy everything in the world that you hold dear,” I said, trying to growl a little, but it just sounded like I had a cold.

“Uh huh,” said Captain Perfect. “Look, Carl-”

“My name is The Menace,” I said, my growl was better this time.

“Right. Menace. Sorry,” he said. “Interviewing for an Arch Nemesis is not how things are usually done, but I’ve just gone through so many of them that no one really wants to step up to the plate. I’m looking for someone who can really hold their own. I mean, how am I supposed to keep saving the city if no one is threatening it? And you know, I’d like someone who can give me a real challenge. Someone who can really keep me guessing about what’s going to happen next. Is that someone you, Carl? Oops, sorry. Menace.”

My black suit was a little itchy, and apparently, Captain Perfect must have been born in the Tropics because the heat was way up and it was making me sweat. I didn’t want to blow this interview. Captain Perfect was the only Super Hero left in town, and what kind of villain was I if I didn’t have a hero to fight?

Shyly, I reached inside my jacket and took out a news clipping which I then place on the desk and slid to Captain Perfect. He picked it up and read it, and then looked at me. “You did this?” he asked. I nodded. “You sick bastard,” he said, looking down at the clipping again. “You’re hired. I’ll expect your next attack soon, and you better bet that I’ll be ready for you.”

He gave me back the clipping, which I carefully put back in my jacket, and then stood up and left.

My heart was pounding all of the way out of the building, but once I was outside I started giggling with relief. I had an Arch Nemesis! I took the clipping out of my jacket, kissed it, and read the headline with pride. “1,000 Ceramic Garden Gnomes Appear on Mayor’s Lawn Overnight, Giving the 54-Year-Old Mayor a Heart Attack.”